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SCORECARD

The box below shows how many parishes have recevied permission from the Archbishop to use the Formation in Christian Chastity program. If a parish is not on this list, it may be in the process of receiving permission, or more likely is using the controversial Talking About Touching program.

Parishes Using FICC

52

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Quotable

"Parents are the first and most important educators of their children, and they also possess a fundamental competency in this area: they are educators because they are parents."
-Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality #23

Sally's Story

[Sally is a 31 year old married mother of three who underwent a scenario-based sexual abuse awareness program similar to Talking About Touching in a public school in central Minnesota when she was in grade school.]

My experience with a secular, scenario-based sexual abuse awareness program:

I went through a secular, scenario-based sexual abuse awareness program when I was about seven or eight, in a public school in central Minnesota. The teachers talked about our vaginas, breasts and penises, and told us they were private (not gifts from God, but just private), and we watched videos that depicted adults trying to secretly touch children (not graphic scenarios-more "under-the-table", etc...). After these sessions and out of the teachers' presence, the "bully" types made fun of it (probably a defense mechanism or something) and even teased us girls by trying to touch us. I remember one boy who was relentless against a beautiful shy girl on the bus, for many weeks.

Looking back, I'm not sure if the program helped me personally, either. I was, between seven and eight years old, abused at the hands of our daycare provider's older sons, after school. Because the situation was different than the scenarios we watched and were told about, I figured that the type of abuse that I was enduring wasn't the right kind to tell anyone about. I believe that kids think in black in white like that. If their abuser is abusing them in a different way or in a different location (office vs. beach, etc..) than depicted in the scenarios, I don't think the training will help. Our abuse program attempted to show every type of scenario possible without being graphic, but it didn't get at mine. Additionally, when we watched those videos and were told about different possible scenarios, one of them reminded me of a time I had spent with a kind and loving uncle of mine, and it took a long time (until I was about 25) before I could trust him, even though he had never done anything abusive to me. I believe that being subjected to those scenarios robbed me of my innocence even more than the physical abuse that I was enduring because I began to view myself as something that adults wanted sexually, because there were all these images in my mind about how adults would want to touch me.

Meanwhile, I wasn't taught that my private parts, or the ability to protect them so I could have children, was special or important, or a gift from God. To add to the negative influences, when I was seven, my Mom also told me how she had gotten her tubes tied so that she couldn't have any more children - which further impressed upon me that it was normal and acceptable for a woman to let her body be used, and not respected and cherished as a gift from God. For me, there were no positive Christian messages to counteract all of the negative. I remember that my soul was so open to the Gospel at that age too. I remember telling a neighbor boy who didn't know about God, about how Jesus loved him, and inviting his family to church even though his parents scared me.

I recently found your website, and to me, this Catholic program seems to cover all the bases effectively. It might be the only place children hear about the beauty and gift of fertility and chaste love from a Catholic perspective (the only perspective that reaches the depths of the human heart and soul). It stresses that ANY time a child feels hurt or uncomfortable, no matter where or when or how, they should tell someone they trust. It doesn't paint scenarios that will haunt the child's mind or that bullies will copy, and it doesn't have teachers discuss the location of private body parts like vulva, vagina, penis and breasts (that was really uncomfortable as a child of seven, for me and my friends - especially the way the teachers did it in such a matter-of-fact way as if it was no big deal to talk about them).

My husband and I are pretty involved with our children. We spend time with them every day- talking, playing and praying with them. We have a limit where we can each only be away from our children two nights per week. For example, last week that meant one date night for us together, one work commitment for my husband, and one evening of alone time in the house for me (a stay at home mom). We have family rules that we repeat to our children weekly because they can't read yet - rules that build faith, respect for self and others, and confidence. Even my husband and I receive "time-outs" if we break any of the rules.

I realize the importance of reaching out to children whose parents, for whatever reason, cannot effectively teach their children about personal protection and chastity, and who may not even be able to protect them from abuse in their own home. When my husband and I were growing up, our parents were busy with work and their own problems, so we can relate. I believe that this is why my Mom didn't realize what was happening to me until an obvious situation caught her attention. I am optimistic that the Formation in Christian Chastity program, by focusing on positive truths that speak to the heart, instead of negative situations that corrupt the imagination, would provide much more hope and empowerment for vulnerable children than a secular scenario-type program.

Thank you and good luck with your mission!!
Sincerely yours in Christ,
Sally

I wanted to clarify a few things I wrote in my previous email (below) regarding the program that I went through as a child - mostly because I realized that I might not have portrayed the facts accurately (my memory of that time in my life is vague, and in trying to put the pieces together, I could have made associations that didn't exist).

My corrections are: 1) I'm not sure if the program tried to present every possible abusive scenario, like I had previously written. The only things I remember vividly are one scenario - the uncle one, and how embarrassing it was to hear our teachers talking about our body parts. ÊI remember that we did either watch or listen to other scenarios - at least one was of a woman who wanted to abuse a child. 2) In my email to you I associated the bullies' sexual harassment directly with the instruction; however, the instruction may not have anything to do it.

Sorry about that!

Thanks again for what you are doing and God bless!!

Sally

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